Car Bras and Dinner Trays – Features your Car Definitely Doesn’t Need
by Ed Scott
I’ve recently acquired a new car (it’s not a new car, it’s an 11-year-old car, but it’s new to me) and upon having bought the thing I was dismayed to find it’s missing one vital feature, something the modern motorist can seldom do without: it’s completely devoid of cup holders.
Now I know this might seem like a trivial omission to some, but how can I have my coffee on my morning commute without risking third-degree burns to my bottom half each time I hit a pothole or a particularly testing roundabout?
And while cupholders have come as standard in most cars for a number of years now, they started out as a bit of novelty. It took more than three decades from the first patent for them to catch on.
This got me wondering which other seemingly superfluous car features are out there that may, or may not, become as ubiquitous – not to mention as necessary – as the humble cup holder?
Everyone loves a bit of anthropomorphism, and the standard headlight and grille arrangement on most cars makes them ripe for a bit of humanisation. Can you actually imagine getting a big set of eyelashes, sticking them on your headlights, and thinking: “That’s exactly what has been missing!”
Yeh, probably not.
There is one exception to the no-eyelashes rule though, the Lamborghini Miura…
Ok, so having the front of your car covered in stone chips and scratches is never a good look and so, on paper, a car bra would seem a good idea as it protects the paintwork from any debris that might damage it.
The problem is, a car bra looks as daft as it sounds – so you may want to forgo this one and risk some dinks in the paintwork. Or maybe combine the car bra and the eyelashes for a Conchita Wurst look. Or maybe not.
While I’ve got all the time in the world for a cup holder, a full-on, fold-down, airline-style dinner tray is just too much – did anyone ever really think combining mealtime and drivetime would be a good idea?
“Right kids, belt-up, eyes-front, and take care when you’re pouring that gravy, I don’t want any on the seats – it’s a nightmare to get out of the velour!”
We’re all familiar with a bit of leather on the seats, maybe even a bit of walnut on the dash – but some manufacturers take things a little too far when it comes to luxury trim.
And so we have leather air vents from Porsche, a granite trim from Mercedes and what has to be the final word in cup holders from Cadillac – the motorised cup holder…
What did we miss? Does your car come with a totally useless feature? Leave a comment and let us know the make and model – and which totally superfluous accessory it comes with!
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